Lost

I've been trying to comprehend everything that comes to my life, happiness and sorrow. But I cant stand this alone, I have no one to tell, I have no one to share with. God plans everything good for me, I know, but Im too fool to comprehend this. Im fool. Sometimes I want my previous life back, it's like I achieve nothing in life. I have laughter but dont know how to be happy, I have friends but dont know how to have fun. I dont know where I should go, I dont even know the way to back home. Im stuck in the life thats not mine. Sometimes I feel really happy, but sometimes there's a confusion in me. I feel that no one but my mum wants me in life, sometimes I feel bad and just wanna die. 

I learn how to love, but I feel unlovable. Sometimes I control the feeling bcuz if you care too much about someone who doesnt care about you, you'll be hurt that much. Im so sick of this, Im so sick of reality that there's no one understands what I feel. Too in vain talking to someone who doesnt understand the feeling, the topic you're talking about, or just your way to talk that actually aims nothing but to deliver the talk. Im stuck.