Phobia

السلام عليكم

22.04 pm 

I think harder at night, maybe most people do the same. The time when you meet the bed and the pillow, thinking what you have done that day, the mistakes you have made, the people you probably have hurt. 

If I’m too tired to write something on my blog, I do tweeting. If the tweets are read by related people, it might be the new problem. Blog understands me better than the people do, at least those who read my posts, I mean most of them appreciate my thoughts. I don’t mean that people in real life do worse, they just don’t always have the ‘right time’ listening to my thoughts. 

Ok, talk about the business. 

I’m going to live my future, being someone’s partner of life. Sounds sweet, but to be honest, I’ve got a phobia. Being a wife instantly makes you become a housewife, a housewife is identical with jobless. Guess what? I hate that! 

How you pay the bill is an honor, how you dress up well is fabulous because you don’t always need men’s permission to spend your own money (no religion’s norm related). Being a housewife is good, being a good housewife is better, but being a housewife who looks like a housemaid is silly. Yes, that’s my phobia. I’m afraid if there will be the time when I have to stay at home along day, waiting for my husband coming after his work. And what will I do while the husband do working? Watching drama on tv along day? My mum never showed me that boring activity. Okay, it’s phobia. I’ll work at the office in the early marriage, but after the pregnancy (let’s say a year after that). Mum, someone will be fat, wearing pyjamas and looking like a housemaid. Occasionally, that’s normal. But it will be worse with no job, I’m sure. I don’t know if other women can face it, but I think I’ll get depressed if the problem comes to me. 

Being jobless is not so cool. Uncool. May I bold the word? UNCOOL! 

And now my emotion lets the word grow bigger. To be honest, I never feel comfortable being jobless. I’ve got through 5 years studying in university, and I won’t let myself looking hopeless by being jobless. Okay, I’ll do a business, I ever did it actually, but business starts with consistency, and consistency needs dedication. I’ve dedicated my days to the office, fine!

Feelin depressed? Yes, I am. 

Being a woman is hard. I knew I would face this kind of dilema, and now I’m having a crowd in ma head.